It was another marginally triumphant
week for us, but triumphant nevertheless. Although it’s clear that
we’re not yet back to championship form, we are definitely heading in
the right direction at this stage, and could possibly finish the season
exceeding expectations from what many of us predicted in August.
Virginia Thug looked horrible. With very few exceptions, the Hurricane
defense managed to keep them from doing any real damage all evening and
ended up being the deciding factor in the outcome. Short of a couple of
big plays we gave up, which is bound to happen occasionally, especially
with freshmen, we played lights-out when the Chokies had the ball.
Penalties were a huge improvement from our last game. Only one penalty
for 10 yards was all we had, in what I would consider a
uncharacteristically “clean” game between Thug U and V Thug.
Our offense continues to struggle… and that’s putting it mildly. Bosher
was able to account for 10 of our 16 points, so we’ll give him the game
ball for bailing out our offense when, three times, they couldn’t punch
it in for the score from the red zone. Playcalling by PNix continues to
induce headscratching. He’ll occasionally pull something out that works
just when it seems we need it and we cheer, but the rest of the time,
the reaction is “WTF was that?” When this season comes to a close for
us in January, I am hoping that Shannon will look at how our offense
has performed independent of what could end up being a pretty damn
decent record, and acts accordingly for the benefit of the team. As an
example, Pirate Leech has had some successful runs, but realized he
needed a change on defense. The result could possibly have him in Miami
playing for the MNC in mid January.
Now the Fails:
– With two games remaining, Miami is the only team in the Coastal
division to control their fate. With four teams trailing a by a single
game, a loss could throw things back into a clusterfark and possibly a
3-way tie. The Hurricanes clinch the division title with a win over GT
and a UNC loss.
The Atlantic division still has four teams in play for the trip to
Tampon. Both Maryland and BC control their destiny and they will meet
each other the final week. Both winning would set up the final game for
the division title. That Clown College for Girls and WF can keep
themselves in the hunt by respectively beating those other two teams
8 ACC teams are bowl eligible. Virginia needs one win while Clemson and
Duke will have to win both remaining games to be added to the list.
– For choking on the division lead. The ‘Canes speed on defense just
obliterated Vick 3.0. 16-14 Young Hurricanes
– For not being able to do anything other than stand on the sideline
and look dumbfounded for most of the game.
Foster – For being the most r3dneck-looking coach in the
– For getting shut-out for three quarters and making a horrible Clemple
team look respectable. 31-7 Paper Tigers
– We all knew that Davis would find a way to botch it. Zero points in
the second half sealed the deal. 17-15 Turtles
– It blows my mind how these guys snuck their way back in the rankings
after merely beating Dook and UVag. Well, I guess things took care of
themselves when they couldn’t take care of bottom-feeder NC State Pen.
College for Girls – Clearly not the same Criminole team
that showed up in Miami a few weeks ago. A pathetic 2nd half has BC
staying alive in the division. 27-17 Eagles
College for Girls’s black uniforms – In a word: hideous…
Not that their normal ones are super wicked awesome.
– For agreeing with Bent Pusburger that That Clown College for Girls
should burn those black uniforms. I seem to recall him saying something
about pulling these out at some other point with similar results. (On
second thought, they should wear that sh!t every game!)
Big XII – In
the North, Missouri has punched their ticket to KC. With one game
remaining, they have a two game lead on that team (Kansas) and own the
tiebreaker against one-game-back Nebraska.
Texas Tech will clinch the South with a victory over OU this week. A
Sooner win would cast them into a three-way tie with a week to go.
7 teams have sewn up bowl spots and Colorado can make it 8 if they win
their final game in Lincoln next Friday.
– The Teasips shut the door on Kandass’ run to try to win the North.
Bevo’s boys lit it up in the second half and put this one far out of
reach. 35-7 Texass
– The Wildcats managed to find the endzone every quarter, but they
could only force the Cornholers to punt four times the entire game as
opposed to the seven touchdowns they scored. 56-28 ‘Holers
– a2m just can’t manage to buy a break this year. I guess the “fail”
would be the people on this board who thought that our game with them
was an automatic loss back in August. That, and getting their ass
kicked by facking Baylor. 41-21 Gaylor
– The Cyclones are one loss away from a perfect record in the league…
and not in a good way. The worst part is that their in easier of the
two divisions and still haven’t managed to find the win column. 52-20
– Let’s face it, the Buffs barely even qualify as mediocre and are
clinging for their chance to go bowling with hopes resting on their
final match with the ‘Holers. The Cowpies started off a bit sluggish
after getting looted by the Pirate, but managed to have this one put
away by the end of the 3rd. 30-17 Cowpies
Big East –
For the talk about kicking conferences out of the BCS, the Big Yeast’s
motto this year should be, “at least we’re not the Pac 10.” Cincy, and
Pitt control their destiny while WV is trying to hang in there with a
poor hand in a three-way tie.
By weak non-conference scheduling, there are 5 of 8 teams planning for
postseason, while Louisville and Rutgers are looking for one more win
to join the rest.
– The Bearcats continue rolling and stuff the red birds at Pizza
Stadium. 28-20 Manbearcats.
Strip Mall U
– The wheels have officially fallen off the bullwagon as they have now
lost four of their last 5 games, beating only the Juice during that
stretch. I guess eeking out the 17-9 win over Super Mario back in
September told us more than we originally thought. 49-16 Rotgirls
- Well, Danny, the world needs ditch-diggers too. 39-14 Yuke-on
Big Sham –
All of these fackers finish their regular season this week and the
conference race has boiled down to two teams. State Penn can claim it
with a win against MSU. If MSU wins in Crappy Valley, Taint will take
the Big Sham title by beating D!ck Del Taco. The Spartans need
themselves and Meatchicken to win to back themselves into the Rose Bowl.
7 Teams are bowl eligible and Illinois needs to beat NW this week to
make it 8.
– A scoreless second half relinquishes the lead by Del Taco’s team and
it’s one for the history books. 21-14 Na’western
– At least you get to play Purdue this week for last place in the Big
Sham. 34-7 State Penn
– Dr. Zook had such a promising outlook this year in this garbage
league. The Illini had 455 total yards, so you could call this a game
of missed opportunities. Taint was totally anemic throwing the ball,
but gashed-out 354 ground yards on the way to the house. 30-20 Taint
– The ‘Eyes are flying pretty high right now after knocking off JoePud
last week. Train Guys would need a concerted effort to shoot these
birds down. Oh wait, we’re talking about Purdue. 22-17 Iowa
– The Cheesers add themselves to the bowl roster with a comeback win
against the Gophers. They even get to keep that giant fake axe. 35-32
– Ecoo can clinch their spot in the conference championship with one
win in their two remaining games. Marshall or Memphis could back in if
the little Doltz sh!ts the bed.
Houston controls their fate in the West with the win over Tulsa and the
impending visit to the Rice Truck across town. Rice is hoping to
win-out and for Tulsa to lose one.
There are 4 bowl eligible teams, 4 out of the running, and 4 still in
– For phoning this one in. 21-3 Southern Piss
– For having nothing that resembles a defense. 41-24 Dragon things
– For not kicking UniCeF to keep pace with the Butt Pirates. 30-14
– Just ‘damn.’ 70-30 Cougars
Methodist – For not realizing that they could have gotten
the same results this season for cheaper, if they had hired Moper.
– Unfortunately the Domers will be appearing in a 13th game this year.
If our ‘Canes choke on any of our last 2/3 games, I think we’re all
hoping we can “strike these melonfarmers out.”
– Because we hate you, and always will.
– for allowing Neuter Dumb to pick up win number six. 27-21 Domers
– For having the 109th toughest schedule and still managing to go
winless vs. 1-A teams. 21-10 Blue Bombers
– Buffalo is in first in the East. Akron and Bowling Green are a game
Ball St. and CMU meet this week for the upper hand in the West. WMU is
hoping to slide in if their timing is right.
5 teams are eligible for postseason with 2 more fighting for another
That Ohio School
in Oxford – Hung around in the first half, died in the
second. 31-16 Undefeated Ball St.
– This game with Kent was like a dog fight if the dogs had guns. 41-38
Flashes in the Pan
– I watched this one. The weather was sh!tty and 13,000 people showed
up for a Wednesday night game. The Huskies furious comeback attempt
fails in OT and LeFevour went for 310 all-purpose yards leading his
Chippewas to the win and setting up the big match with Ball Sack this
week. 33-30 Chippies
– With the division lead hanging in the balance, Zippy’s team drops the
4th OT and the win goes to the mascot-city team. 43-40 Buffaloded
– Meatchicken must really suck something fierce since this Rockette
team hasn’t done jackshit in their feacal conference. 27-17 Broncos
– The Utah – BYU game in two weeks is still setting up to be for the
conference crown. TCU is hoping to spoil someone’s fun with a strong
4 teams are bowl eligible, 3 are out, and two are a win shy.
– I think the Cowboys must have taken advantage of all that Vegas had
to offer after the huge win in Knoxville last week. The Rebels then
proceeded to take advantage of them like they were a cheap Nevada
whore. 22-14 Vegas
– Not counting the 70 points they layed on the hapless Aztecs, Los
Lobos have only managed just over 16 points per game on offense this
year. Maybe they could use an OC like P Nix. The good news is that
their season is officially over and the Rammed stay alive for
postseason in the post-Sonny era. 20-6 Rammed
– The Zoomies put themselves out of contention for the MWC title and
the Mormons mobbed them in the 3rd quarter with 21 straight points to
take the lead and never look back. 28-24 Mormons
San Diego St.
– Where is your Marshall Faulk now? 63-14 Undefeated Utes.
Pac 10 – How
facked-up is this? The 7-3 Beavers win the conference by winning-out.
(Canedom is on the edge of his seat.) USC is ready if they slip.
5 teams await their bowl bids. Stanfraud must win this week to get
their 6th and ASU and UCLA, both needing two more wins, play each other
next week. Teams named Washington need not apply.
– The Beavers are just determined to ruin people’s day. 34-21 Beavers
– Pathetic shutout, and Pink picks up big win number 4 on the season.
31-0 Scum Devils
– Giving up 45 points in the first half is not how you win on the road.
It must have been because you had to stare at those hideous black
uniforms. 55-45 Nike’s B!tch
uniforms – If you thought That Clown College for Girls’s
were horrendous, picture those with black helmets and wings on the
shoulder pads. I formally request that “Oregon” be changed in the
filter to “Nike’s B!tch.”
– It looked like Stanfraud was going to make this a close one, but
Dirty Sanchez had the last laugh. 45-23 Trojans
– Ty Spankingham is on the cusp of going out as one of the worst
coaches ever. I doubt even winning the Crapple Cup can salvage any of
his dignity after this season. 27-7 LA
Sun Belt –
Troy and Lafayette play this week with the winner in position for the
conference title. FAU is the only other team in it with an outside shot
if everything goes their way.
Troy is currently the only bowl eligible team. ULL and FAU need one
win, while That Alleged University on Eighth Street, ASU, and MTSU need
Clown – Ouch. My prostate hurts just thinking about this
one. It’s not every day you see a team take it up the ass from Ole
Piss. 59-0 Johnny Reb
– The Cajuns looked horrible in the first half down 26-7. Three 4th
quarter touchdowns couldn’t dig them out of the hole. 40-29 Hooters
– I think we were salivating at the thought that those f’ing purple
sh!theads were going to lose at home to a Sun Belt school. The Trojans
gave up 30 points in the 4th quarter to make sure that it didn’t
happen. 40-31 Purple Tigers
UFaG and Alabamastan will meet in Atlanta for the SEC title and, most
likely, a trip to Miami. Here’s to hoping for some huge upsets here to
screw up their plans.
That Cow College
– No offense, no win. 17-13 Gawga
– Defense? SC has a good defense you say? You’re facking joking, right?
– Who was it that said how great and competitive this conference is?
They must have forgotten about the other Bulldogs. 32-7 Satan
– Wow, a couple of mediocre teams battling it out for that spot in the
Papa Johns Bowl. Riveting. 31-24 Commies
– Boise St. is undefeated, could make another appearance in the BCS,
and will at least clinch the WAC with a win over Reno this week.
5 teams are bowl eligible, 3 are not. Hawaii needs one more win.
San Jose St.
– Nevada had 525 yards, most of them on the ground, and rolled this
one. 41-17 Reno
– Down by a TD at the break, and scoreless in the 2nd half. Boise
defeats their in-state rival at the 17,000 seat Kibbey Dome to stay
perfect. 45-10 Broncos
– The Aggies are just pathetic. 45-38 La Tech.
New Mexico St.
- The Aggies are just pathetic.24-17 Fresno.