I will admit that I only watched one
game on Saturday… Oklahoma St. at Texas Tech. The Red Raiders are just
sick! One thing that TTU has done this year is vastly improve on
defense. The Pirate wasn’t happy that they were giving up as many
points as they were scoring. In spite of their consistent winning
record, he made a change at Defensive Coordinator. That appears to be
making all the difference in the world and has them poised to make the
trip to Miami in mid January, or whenever the hell they are playing the
In terms of us, I have no news. DMoney failed to provide us with a
Greentree report this week, so I’ll just pass on it and assume we are
continuing our preparation for Virginia Polythugnic’s visit this
Now the Fails:
– Well, Georgia Tech didn’t do us any favors this week by rolling over
for Botch. Three teams are left atop the Coastal Division with VT
controlling their fate over their remaining three games. Should they
lose, UNC would break the tie with UM. UM can run the table if UNC
suffers a single loss. A three-loss tiebreaking scenario is possible,
but too unlikely to consider at this point.
In the Atlantic Division, Maryland is still in control owning the
tiebreaker against WF and having not yet played TCCFG. If the ‘Holes
win in two weeks, WF breaks the two-way tie from winning in
Trailerhassee. BC is a game back, but since they play FS, WF and MD in
their last three games, they still control their destiny by winning out
and winning any tiebreaker scenarios at 5-3.
There are currently 8 out of 12 bowl-eligible teams. VA is one win from
six and CU and Duke need two.
– This Thursday night puke-fest was pretty much meaningless for the
Twerps in terms of their division standing, but it would have been nice
to have a slight buffer and some momentum for their remaining three
games. 23-13 VThug
– The Navy offense went scoreless for three quarters against Botch.
Until the Tar Holes lit-them up for three 4th quarter touchdowns, this
game put everyone to sleep… including Tech’s defense. 28-7 Tar Holes
– No longer the “Bowden Bowl,” this game completely lost any appeal it
may have once had. The Great Dabu proves that he can still have Clemple
bend over and take it from Bobbyah as well as any of them. 41-27 That
Clown College for Girls
– Cuntcliffe made believers out of a lot of people over the future of
Dook Football, but Shleprock ran off a huge first half lead here.
Dookie needs to win two of their last three now to make it to
postseason for the first time since 1994. 27-17 Wolf Crack
– Instead of crying about losing to a better team, you should have been
prepared for a lesser one. Weak Florist stays alive in their division
and UVag queefs away their chance at getting to Tampa.
– For not hiring Mike “The Pirate” Leech when he had the chance… and
for being an insufferable fat bastard.
Big XII –
Texas Tech is in firm control of the South with only Oklahomo left to
possibly make the tiebreaker come into play. The Pirate will sail to KC
with a win in Norman in two weeks (after their bye.)
In the North, Missouri is a game ahead of NU and KU, and will meet the
Jayhawks the final week of the season.
There are 7 of 12 teams bowl eligible, and 2 eliminated.
– The seventh loss of the season, coming against the Tea Sips,
eliminate the Bears from postseason. This really isn’t a shock though.
– The Cyclones are still winless in the league, and stayed that way
after giving up a 10-0 halftime lead against Colorado. Must be the
altitude… or it could be that you just suck. 28-24 Buffs
– The extra 4th quarter touchdown put Big Red Head over the top and
kept the ‘Holers alive in the Division race. 45-35 Cornholers
– The poor Aggies are starting to really put some points up. Too bad
they can’t play defense for sh!t. 66-28 Oklahomo
– A slow start will kill you against an offense like the Tigers have.
You can’t trip Usain Bolt if he’s out of reach as soon as the race
starts. 41-24 Mizzou
– A lot of people were giving the Cowpies a real shot at this one given
how well they played Texass. That was over when the Red Raiders went up
21-7 and never looked back en route to 629 total yards on offense. TTU
ran 80 plays on offense and only had 3 penalties for 19 yards… That’s a
well coached club. 56-20 Pirate
Big East –
There is a huge clusterfark at the top of the standings. Cincy and Pitt
meet this week with the winner having control going forward. WV is
still in the mix if Cincy falls. RU and UConn are a game back.
5 of 8 teams are bowl eligible and one is out. Weak non-conference
scheduling has boosted those numbers.
– The juicers are eliminated from postseason after this one. A 14-0
lead after the 1st quarter was not enough to hold the Scarlet Pansies
at bay. 35-17 Chimp
– Wanstache whips it out and says that he ain’t no Louisville. 41-7 Pitt
– A furious 4th quarter comeback is for nothing since you choke in
overtime. 26-23 Cincy
Big Sham –
State Penn still runs the table. MSU can play the spoiler and Taint
would assume the crown. Everyone else is effectively out of the running.
6 of 11 teams are bowl eligible and 3 are eliminated. UI and UW could
both pick up #6 this week.
– State Penn graces the Epic Fail list for the first legitimate time
this year. Well, at least Joe Poop doesn’t have to worry about the BCS
screwing him this year. 24-23 Hawkeye Pierce
– Northworstern is very lucky that the puss ten is borderline mid-major
this year. Their marquee out-of-conference win this year was a death
struggle against Dook. 45-10 Taint
– In the battle to stay out of last place, the Stinking Badgers pull
themselves out of the Big Sham toilet with a solid 2nd half. 55-20
– The Spartans keep their Rose Bowl hopes alive by rolling these dogs.
21-7 The 300
– For missing the chance to slam the door on Del Taco’s Rich. 29-6
– I guess I was giving Dr. Zook too much credit for being able to pull
the Illini out of the toilet, since they are back in there now. 23-17
– Out of 12, 4 teams have been eliminated from post season already,
with a few more to follow shortly, while 3 have become eligible.
In the East, ECU has a game lead on Marshall, having won the game this
week. Memphis is also still in the mix.
Tulsa leads in the west with Houston having a chance to knot things up
in two weeks. Rice is also a game back.
Methodist – Memphis goes to .500 by winning a close one in
Dallass. Why did Jones leave Hawaii again? 31-26 Tigers
– The Turds droped a game back by losing to Ecoo in OT. They fail for
missing the XP on the 3rd quarter TD that would have won the game.
19-16 Butt Pirates
– UniCeF goes 1-for-11 on 3rd down and the Eagles held them scoreless
for three quarters. Having won C-USA last year and staring down the
barrel of a last-place finish, the identity crisis for UniCeF
continues. Do they give awards for the opposite of “most improved?”
17-9 Southern Piss
– The Wave was eliminated from post season when they picked up their
7th loss this week. Sorry, there’s not much else to say for this
bottom-feeder since we already knew they are a failure on the year.
– Navy has clinched their post season game, while Army drops out of
contention with this week’s loss.
– Rice puts up 31 in the first half and hangs on for dear life in the
second. The Cadets didn’t have quite enough in the tank to catch up
late. 38-31 Owls
– I’m sure they’re much happier now that basketball is starting. 17-7
– Because we hate you, and always will. Scoreless against one of the
worst BC teams in the last ten years. The Domers have Navy, USC, and
Syracuse remaining and are one win from being bowl eligible. I think I
will be trying to cast some voodoo enhancement for the Juicers in two
weeks. 17-0 Eagles
– 12 teams there, 3 teams in, 5 teams out. NIU, Akron, Buff, and BG all
are one win away from 6.
Akron and Buffalo are tied for first in the East. They play this week.
Bowling Green is a game back with a win over Akron and Buffalo
upcoming, so they can pick up the ball if anyone drops it.
In the West, Ball State goes to Mount Pleasant to take on the Chippewas
on the 22nd. Both teams are undefeated in conference play and Ball St.
is 10-0 on the season.
That other red
school in Ohio – I will no longer be referring to the
school in Oxford by the name which they share with my Alma Mater. They
have proven themselves unworthy of that title over the course of this
season. 37-17 Buffaloded
– Akrid jumped on this one with 3 1st quarter touchdowns on the way to
this would-be rout. 47-30 Kangaroos
– The Huskies couldn’t keep up with the MAC version of BSU. The
Cardinals stay undefeated and keep their slim BCS hopes alive. 45-14
– I feel sorry for this team. I mean, you’re the Ohio University, and
people in your state, including your own students and alumni, are more
concerned with the fashionable sweatervest than what’s going on with
the Bobcats. 28-3 Falcons
– 4 in, 2 out, 3 left. The Utes are in control with only BYU standing
in their way. (No, I don’t think the Aztecs will be a problem for
them.) TCU is still in the mix, and Air Force needs a miracle.
– The Horny Toads played a hard fought, and uncharacteristically
defensive game against the Utes, only giving up one TD in the final
quarter to seal Utah’s win. 13-10 Utes
San Diego St.
– Go Diego, Go! A couple FGs and a missed conversion is not going to
help you out of last place. 41-12 Mormons
– The Rammed are probably wondering where Sonny is at this point.
Perhaps they should try looking at his steak house. 38-17 Air Force
– Los Lobos picked up their 7th loss this season. They are finished
after their trip to Ft. Collins this week.
Pac 10 –
Ironically, 6-3 Oregon St. controls their fate for the conference
title. With UCB, UA and UO remaining, it won’t be easy. The Trojans are
still hoping for some back door into the MNC. (Maybe they should ask
5 teams are in and anyone with the name “Washington” is out.
– A tough game at Autzen, but Stanfraud comes away with the L and the
6th win still eludes them. The Quackers stay alive for an outside shot
at the Rose Bowl. 35-28 Donald
Angeles – The Bruins are one loss away from staying home.
Neweasel has only fared slightly better than Del Taco at turning this
program around… which isn’t saying much. 34-6 Beavers
– The Hippies went against the nations best defense and all they got
was this lousy field goal. (By the way, that’s #1 in both Total Defense
Scoring Defense.) 17-3 Trojans
– This is just not funny anymore. The Cougars finish the season with
Pink, UDub and Hawaii. Let’s see if they can manage to give up less
than 40 points in any of those games. 59-28 Wildcats
– Ditto what I said above with different teams. UDub could be looking
at a winless season here if they can’t beat Wazzou in two weeks. 39-19
Sun Belt –
The Cajuns are still in command at 4-0. Their game with Troy in two
weeks will probably settle the conference title.
Troy is currently the only Sun Belt team with 6 wins. UL-The Clown and
UNT are out with more surely to follow.
Clown – The Indian Things lose a tough one against the
Blue Whatevers. 24-21 MTSU
– I’m wondering if we took a step up by playing Charleston Southern
this year. 46-13 FAU
– The Cajuns take one in the sack, but out of conference.
Unfortunately, losing to the Miners, at home, is something they should
be concerned about. 37-24 UTEP
– Losing to the team with a Panther on steroids for a mascot must feel
pretty bad after beating a2m to open the season. 22-21 Super Mario
UFaG and Bammer have clinched their respective division titles and will
meet in ATL. The question now, is will the Goiters be able to back
their way into the MNC? It’s unlikely that Alabamastan will fall before
December, while Cryer has to face Stevil and Bobbyah. I’m pulling for
the chickens this week because I don’t want either of these clowns
within sniffing distance of Miami.
Six teams in and Tennessee is out.
– Poor K-Y… three of their four losses were close. They can find
themselves in a decent bowl by finishing off the two worst teams in the
SEC-E. 42-38 Ugaly
– The Pigs may have been overreaching with hopes of postseason this
year. They will need to beat both Stevil and LSU to get to six.
– The Lavender Tigers get the big Fail this week for blowing the
opportunity to knock off both #1 and your former coach. Two costly
picks… the pick-6 and the one on OT, lost this game for LSU. 27-21
– The Commies didn’t stand much of a chance, being held scoreless and
letting the ‘Turds take a 35-0 lead into the locker room. 42-14 UFaG
– First, for scheduling a non-conference game this late in the season
against a pathetic team. Second, for sh!tting the bed against that
pathetic team. Wyoming comes into Knoxville and goes home happy. Fat
Phil has two games left at the helm and may lose both. 13-7 Cowboys win
the Pillowfight of the Week
– BSU is in solid control with a two game buffer. The three trailing
teams need the Broncos to lose-out to have a shot.
2 teams in, 2 teams out, and four teams are a win away from 6.
– The Wolfpack keep their slim conference title hopes alive and the
favorite team of the vomit caddies drops out of the running. 41-28 Reno
San Jose St.
– Conversely, the Spartans have all but eliminated themselves from
contention as they are shut out by the Bulldogs. Bradshaw would be
proud. 21-0 La. Tech
– The Aggies are horrible. 49-14 Boise St.
New Mexico St.
– The Aggies are horrible. 42-30 Hawaii.