Each week, CanesOverHere's very own DarthIbis produces Epic
Fails of the week. These are college football's embarassments
and colossal failures, for those unfamiliar with the tradition.
Here is this week's latest, also seen at: this link on CanesOverHere.com's football
From the CanesOverHere Death Star
I’ve decided to add a new category this week in addition to the
conference breakdowns. There’s just so much failure on the macro-scale,
I feel it needs to be recognized.
Here, we’re going to talk about what’s overall wrong with the college
– Granted, when have we, as Miami fans, ever been happy with a poll?
That being said, there’s just too much garbage hanging around the
rankings after four weeks. Strip Mall U and Ohio Taint in the top-15?
Fresno St. and Ecoo clinging to their rankings, and yet unproven
Climpson holding steady in the neighborhood of 20. At least the coaches
were good enough to drop That Clown College for Girls completely off
the map after their performance this week.
– I hate to say it, but the Big
got it right. As I browsed through the noon games on
my trusty satellite receiver, I noticed about five different Big Ten
games available (including some real dogs.) Most of them were on their
recently established Big Ten Network, but who cares if they are getting
exposure to their teams. I have a real problem with the deal our
conference and school currently have with ABC/ESPN and Comcast/Charter
Sports South. For my list of failures, see my analysis of the process here.
– ESPN and other popular sports websites have now resorted to these
people posting their weekly hack-jobs. They are no more qualified to be
considered news than Darth
Ibis’ Epic Fails of the Week.
With all that out of the way now… On with the show.
out of conference this week keeps us off the “worst conference” list
for another round.
– For their choke job at home against Virginia Thugs. When they drop to
0-2 in the Coastal next week, all this talk of UNC being a player in
the league will be done for the year.
– Winner of ACC slap-fight of the week part 1
Wake Forest vs.
That Clown College for Girls
– I could do a whole separate
feature on this game. ACC slap-fight of the week part 2. TCCFG had
seven turnovers (five interceptions) as well as 139 penalty yards. Weak
Florist, in spite of being +5 on the turnover margin, failed to score
more than 12 points on four field goals. Both teams get mentioned for
“failing” to find the end zone in what was quite an ugly game between
two teams that have no business in the rankings.
– I know we are happy about the win and this is
not intended to be so much a “Debbie Downer” moment as a call to stay
“ever vigilant.” We’ve been outscored 23-0 in our last two 4th
quarters. The up side of this is that it looked like Coach Shannon was
spitting flames at the team when it appeared they were letting up
toward the end of the 3rd and we were up 41-10. Something to the effect
of “We ain’t won nothin’ yet” was said as we gave up the second TD to
the Aggies. Hopefully The Sherriff will work on that because we’re
likely going to need that ability to finish in some of our upcoming
– For not finding a way to be in College Station for what has been
reported as one of the greatest COH weekends in history. Randy, I’ll
some day figure out how to make it happen more regularly ‘cause they
are too legendary to miss.
for playing their second 1-AA team in four weeks. Your ride will come
to an abrupt halt in October.
5-4 OOC this week. Not so good. Teams beat were WVU, Buffalo, Rice, Sam
Houston, and UMass. Teams lost to were Louisville, UConn, Miami, and
– for giving UConn the ball on your 29 (35 yard punt -15 yard
interference penalty) to allow the game winning TD. (And for having The
Circus on your team even if he is benched.)
– for making UNLV look like a contender.
for Jim Jack
and the rest of the great people in
6-2, but without a doubt, against inferior competition.
– I can’t believe people thought this team was good.
– For being Rutgers again.
Strip Mall U vs.
That Alleged University on Eighth Street
– First, to The
Mall for beating one of the worst teams in 1-A by only a TD. Second,
for this game not only being played, but actually being shown on TV.
Third, to ESPN for having such a boner for Strip Mall U. Unfortunately
it will probably continue because their weak schedule and the Big Yeast
returning to equilibrium, they may go untested the remainder of the
regular season. Perhaps they will meet their fate in Raleigh next week
just as Ecoo did.
6-2 against another weak slate. Only Ball State and Pitt were able to
break them this week.
– For losing 42-20 to Ball St.
– For losing to Wanstache.
– For being a poser after having beaten Coastal Carolina, Oregon St,
Syracuse, and Temple.
– Ohio Taint 28
Troy St. 10
16 Ohio 8
32 Chippewas 25
– 4-6 and some questionable losses. No chance for them to claim any
at-large BCS bowl berths now.
– NC State’s second half rally forced OT and the Butt Pirates choked
thus breaking the illusion they had spent three weeks creating.
– Whatever O’Leary said to that team at halftime should never be
uttered again. They gave up a lead and 31 points (while going
scroeless) in the second half against a mediocre BC team.
– Losing to Texas 52-10. I know they were outmatched, but that’s an
old-fashioned Texas whuppin’.
– Staying winless against NM St.
– 48-7 loss at home against the horny toads.
– 2-2, but it’s in the details.
– 22-3 loss to Akron
– For featuring the ND/MSU game
but they are the MAC so no big shock.
– 45-3 loss to State Penn
– 42-21 loss to Maryland
– 42-21 loss to Missouri
– 44-27 loss to the Ragin’ Cajuns.
– For calling themselves Miami and losing to Cincy 45-20.
– For blowing a chance to knock off a ranked team at home in OT.
– 3-1 is helping these guys look like they’re for real.
– For getting shut out by the Mormons 44-0.
– For choking on the second half against Utah.
– For the 56-14 loss to TulsaFan’s favorite team.
2-2, but 1-2 against D1-A. Still holding steady as the dog of the BCS
– Scoreless second half en route to getting rolled by Arizona.
– The last hope of being a legitimate competitor against USC in this
conference flew away with your 37-32 loss to Boise St. at the vaunted
– For getting stuffed by UGA.
– For needing to rally in the second half in order to beat San Jose St.
– For having to play Portland St. in order to get your first win.
Do I even need to list them? 1-4 with the Cajuns carrying the banner
– For letting the Gophers get their revenge with such authority.
– For not scoring any time except the 2nd quarter against Taint.
– For handing Tulane their first win on the season.
University on Eighth Street
– For three scoreless quarters
against Strip Mall U.
With the way the media slobbers all over these guys, you would think
they never lose.
- For helping the Mississippi SEC teams go winless against the ACC.
– For getting rolled by the Tide.
– Ugh! The Vols looked like garbage against UFaG.
– For losing at home to Vanderbilt.
– For struggling with Wofford. (1-AA school with 1300 students that’s
only 90 miles from Columbia.)
That Cow College
– For snatching defeat from the jaws of victory by giving up 23 second
half points against the other Tigers.
– For pretending to be in 1-A after losing 42-17 in a conference game
with Utah St.
San Jose St.
– For not cashing in on the fact the Pac 10 is abysmal this year.
Fire away, boys and girls.
Jay Wilson is a frequent contributor on CanesOverHere.com
and resides near COH headquarters in Charlotte, NC. He can be reached